so my phone has been flaky since last thursday or friday. shutting off without any warning with a fairly decent charge. well, as soon as that roof check cleared i ordered a phone from walmart to get the ball rolling so i won't be without a phone. that in itself was an ordeal from dealing with the fraud department for almost an hour. i got the phone ordered and it's ready for pick up on friday. well, this afternoon, it couldn't take it anymore. the darn thing won't come back on even when plugged in. although there is a silver lining. i think the culprit is the battery. the life span is 2-3 and the battery is officially 3 years this month. i noticed the battery wasn't fitting as well and it's a bit "swollen". after some research the battery is bad and i took it out of the phone immediately before it caused a fire. and even better news, i asked sid if he sold note 3 battery replacements through his ebay site. he confirmed that he did. i asked him how much it would cost for him to ship me one and he said nothing. not only is he sending me the battery for free from canada he's sending it express. i should have it by next week. yay! i'm just phoneless for about a week. it will be a good experience. you know, going back to my roots.

anyhoo, my former team lead, melvin, said i was beautiful today on fb chat.

"Oh and since I'm up a tree and never told you, Damn you are beautiful. lol now erase this"

i have no idea what tree he is up but the compliment felt nice. he still intimidates me so i just said thank you.

i know i'm working on fear with this workout challenge. it's been 37 days and this experience so far is teaching me to face my fears and do what i can. if it doesn't work, keep trying til it does. i have to stop giving up. however, melvin is different. i think i'm just not interested. i know i'm not.

anyway, it's late. i'm going to sleep. thanks for reading to my ramblings.

oh, i got an offer letter from a company. i can't remember if i mentioned going to a job fair last week. but they gave me the job today. i start june 5th. i was feeling fugly before going to the job fair. nothing fit well but i sucked it up and let confidence reign. the workouts are helping me exude confidence even when i'm not fully confident. the pay is better and so are the benefits. it's a little further away but i'm an adult. i can handle it.

i still miss 'A'. sometimes i wish he'd call. i want to hear his voice. i liken it to a deep roar. thankfully, my pride won't let me call. loving him ultimately means i can't love myself. i'm just glad i'm strong enough now to recognize it.