i make no apologies

Sunday, Dec. 16, 2018, 8:10 AM

ok, now i need to fill you in on the happenings of my life.

so two months ago...yes, i know, 2 months. i volunteered for a friend's open house at her spa. i asked if she wanted me to arrive early in case she needed extra help. she jumped at the offer so i arrived at noon. i start working on some tasks when i hear a familiar voice speaking with my friend. i turn towards the voice and i see my brother...the brother in which i haven't spoken nor seen in four years. i say his name out of shock, in retrospect, i wish i would have concealed myself in a back room. but i often react instead of thinking things through, so the conversation ensued. angel is in shock..."how did i not know you were siblings?", "are you 2 real siblings? like grew up in the same house siblings?" the look on my face was extremely telling that something was wrong. my first initial thoughts are why is he here? is his wife ok with him being here to volunteer? i deleted and blocked all mutual associations from all social media. family and friends alike. i am done. how does she know him? his face, however, was nonchalant. she sees my face and knows something is wrong. she sends him on an errand and runs after me. "nicole, i'm so sorry. i didn't know." i told her she wouldn't know and asks what is wrong. i said i haven't seen nor talked to him in four years. she's still trying to process things but it's a shock to her as well. i told her not to worry about it. she said she wanted to talk to me later.

after the open house was over she gets me off alone and she said that he likes her but something doesn't feel right. i said, "yeah, because he's married." she said not anymore. i replied, "since when?!" she said she didn't know but it's been a while. we talk for a bit. she asked why does she feel scared around him? that she feels like she has to walk on eggshells when she declines him. i told her that the feeling she is having is the holy spirit and she better effing run! if you want to be with him you better embrace that feeling because it will never go away. she said, "nicole, i was just praying this morning to God to give me an answer about him because something doesn't feel right". i said i'm here to answer prayers and my job here is done. if you think that doesn't look like an answered prayer, think about this. we've been going to the same spa for about 10 years and not once have we run into each other but the day she prayed is the day we see each other after 4 years of no contact.

i gave angel a lot of detail about his anger, the only reason his wife said she would leave, the habitual lying that never ends. she said she noticed he was lying about stuff that he didn't have to lie about. i said that proverbial saying about if you ask if it's raining you better go outside and check for yourself is fitting. dealing with him, you constantly have to seek the truth because he will lie and continue to lie to cover it up, on if he gets caught in the lie will he say it doesn't matter dismissing your insult.

i could give you more examples of the things he lied to me and the stuff he lied to her about but i really can't be bothered. the gist of this long story is that i told her that i may have to discontinue being her friend and being a client of the spa because i don't want any connection to him.

so fast forward to a few weeks ago. i'm getting texts from a family member in louisiana about the land being sold. he's been trying unsuccessfully to contact my brother and he's asking me to contact my brother for him. i responded by giving him my brother's last known contact info. i don't feel it necessary to get people involved with immediate family affairs nor is it anyone else's business. well, i get another text from this family member a few days later saying that he's sorry to hear that my brother has been in a very bad accident. my heart breaks to know my brother has been in a bad accident. i'm concerned about his status but not enough to inquire. he wants to know if i would do the paperwork for his part of the land being sold. i never responded. he texts me again a couple of days later asking if i knew he'd been in a really bad accident. i told him i didn't know until he told me previously. i have made no effort and will make no effort to find out his status. i need to make a clean separation and that's what i'm doing. if he needs help he can reach out to his father or friends. i'm done.

i look at it like this. i'm no longer continuing any toxic relationships. i'm done with my brother and the guy used to be known as my father. i will make no apologies.

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confronting demons - Saturday, Jan. 12, 2019
happy new year 19 pt 2 - Thursday, Jan. 10, 2019
happy new year 19 - Thursday, Jan. 10, 2019
some good news. - Sunday, Dec. 23, 2018
i make no apologies - Sunday, Dec. 16, 2018