happy new year!

i made it another year.

my focus on this is achieving goals. i quit whatever i start consistently. i've got some information on how to keep on track and i'm going to put it to good use.

i'm enjoying my new shift. it's giving me the opportunity to focus on me and get my life together. i also see there is a show on netflix called "tidying up" and i can't wait to jump in it. i want to gut the house of things i don't want nor need...even the things with emotional value.

i want to do another 3 month consecration seeking God. the one i did last year (and finally completed today) was a great experience for me. i want to go deeper. i've seen a difference but i want a radical change.

i've been thinking about 'A' lately. i'm still not able to commit to ending all communication at this time. but i can commit to another 3 months while i'm on my consecration. even though don't want to be with him anymore that time we spent together in '99 seems tattoo'd across my heart. i haven't been able to replace it. maybe, if i focus on trying to replace it this year maybe i won't hold a candle for him in my heart.

my aunt text me yesterday. she asked if wanted to get together with her and my brother to celebrate my mother's bday next month. i haven't responded. i just don't want to be in my brother's presence anymore. i'm extremely serious that i will not continue toxic relationships. besides, i won't be much company if he's there.

i need to work on my budget and my bills. i spend far more than i bring in. so 1, i have to fix that then 2, work on finding another job. i really hate this job. i'm grateful for it but it's caused me to have a hate for people that i never knew i had. i really need to find another job making double of what i'm making now. but first want to enjoy 3-days weekends for the next 3 months.