happy valentine's day!

not doing much today but reading a book...finally! it's been months since i've completed a book. it's weird how depression affects you. it's hard for me to do certain things that once were so easy. but i found a book by gabrielle union and i like it. i think my tastes have shifted a bit. i'm more likely to finish a biography/autobiography than a fiction piece. i'm going to start on michelle obama's book next. i have no idea what to expect but i'm excited.

i am going out with buddy, darby, later. we had to change the day because the weather is going to be bad this weekend. just so happens it's valentine's so i guess i have a date. not at all what i expected but so be it. at least we eat!

i need to organize my time better. i need to look for new a new job. i appreciate that i have a job and now that i'm working from home i can save money. i now have $250 bucks in my checking account and tomorrow is payday. i haven't been able to save $1 much less $250 in 2 years between paychecks!

i'm eating less and thank God! i was eating out of anxiety in the office cause my weight to balloon. i'm eating better but i need to focus on more nutrient dense foods. i'm hoping the weight will start to fall off soon.

speaking of working from home, i thought i was going to miss being in the office...but nope. granted i miss talking to a few key people but i can either reach them on skype or snapchat. i need to make it a point to be less reclusive and get out the house a bit more. i've been out twice in the last 2 weeks. i'm surprised i don't have cabin fever at all. yay, me.

i thought about texting 'A' but nah. i want a change to happen in my life before i contact him again. something besides piercings. new job. engagement. significant weightloss. something instead of "same ol', same ol'".

i went through my phone deleting contacts of folks that i just don't contact. one being 'A's sister. she's just too busy with 2 kids to maintain any type of conversation. i thought about what if during this time 'A' gets his number changed just like you? i told myself so be it. how are you going to contact him? i'm not. i've already let him go. granted, there are things i still miss 20 years after the fact. but those things he doesn't do anymore so i'm at a stage where i can reminisce and not be bothered. i'll always wonder about his current state but i won't be bothered at the end of the day.