untouchable

Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2019, 1:18 AM

so i was at the grocery store other day getting food for the week. i had a cart full of food heading to the checkout and a guy was heading towards the same checkout with one item. he offered to let me go first but i declined indicating that i didn't want him to wait on me. he wanted to discuss it like that wasn't the right thing to do, lol

we had a good chuckle about it but i insisted he go first since he only had one item. he continued to carry on a conversation which is rare for me because people don't usually talk to me. unless i already know you i don't have conversations in the grocery store. we quickly discussed vegan options and vegan recipes while in the checkout. he closed the conversation stating that he hopes things go well the recipe that i plan on trying.

the whole experience was strange. i thought to myself, i don't get out. how could i ever go on a date and have a conversation with someone that could be interested in me? the entire concept of dating is now lost on me as i hadn't been out with another guy since 2011...except that one impromptu outing with chris and i've long since deleted his number. wow, come to think of it,i haven't been kissed in 8 years.

EIGHT. YEARS. talk about feeling like the untouchables.

perhaps i should work on being more approachable. i remember seeing a Humans of New York (HONY) some years ago. an older woman discussed how easier it was to have conversations when she was younger. at that time she was considered highly attractive but she never thought that it was her looks that attributed people to be more loquacious but more so her personality. now that she's older and her looks have faded she realizes that her looks had everything to do with it as it harder to strike up conversations. i think that could be my issue as well. i used to turn heads. people used to go out of their way to talk to me. now people don't give me a second look nor thought. it's quite humbling.

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