my birthday was pretty low key. the only thing i really wanted to do besides travel was go hiking and get egg rolls. God really sent people to make me feel special. even though i removed my birthday from facebook but people still reached out to me to wish me a great day. two friends took me out to lunch and dinner. my aunt called. people sang me songs and i got a free meal from first watch. so even though i was lonely, i did feel loved.

i did get a new set of ear piercings bringing my total piercing count to 11. once i finish with my left ear, i will start on my right.

'A' remembered to send me a happy bday text. i'm actually surprised. it's rare he remembers to contact me on the date. it was a quick back and forth. he's been trying to get me to send pics of my piercings. it feels good to say no.

i've been watching a guy on instagram. he's absolutely stunning. he's a fruitarian, whom i believe is jamaican. the way he eats fruit is so salacious and sensual it makes me want something more than sex. something spiritual. something that only 2 people can achieve if they are genuine. i've read some of his captions on his pictures. we don't agree on a lot but the little we do agree on makes it even that much better to watch him eat.

i didn't do a thing during my 10-day staycation. i planned to spring clean my house and didn't get but maybe 2 loads of laundry done. i laid on the couch for about 4 days depressed. it didn't help my period started. but i think i need to reconsider taking some antidepressants. i'm just scared my hair is going to fall out further. it's so thin now. scary thin. no one 43 should have hair this thin. and to make matters worse, it's growing at a snail's pace. it's become an issue of concern and insecurity. i've been contemplating shaving my head. not sure how convicted of that thought i will be.

today was my first 12-hr shift. 28 hrs left. i'll be done by 3:45 on wednesday then i'm free.

i need something to give. i need a win in an area that concerns me that doesn't involve a plate.