self-sabotage coupled with phuckery

Sunday, Aug. 11, 2019, 9:58 PM

so i'm stupid. i really should be more of an adult. i got high and today i've been drinking wine. it's after 10 and i ordered fish tacos. i just have no accountability and goals whatsoever. let me tell you what i did.

saturday after...still high, i found a meme and sent it to 'A' because that's what stupid people do. kermit the frog meme said "me: i should stop licking it, her leg is shaking. also me: put her in a coma". high me couldn't resist. we have a bit of a conversation the next day. it was a quick jaunt down memory lane. he said he suffered a loss. what pray tell? he said it was me. i dismissed it by saying something encouraging. but then the stupid took over my functioning brain cells at the end of our conversation. after he said he was getting ready for bed, i said "i miss you...a little". why in the entire fuck would i do that? just why? i need to put myself on some serious restriction and figure out why the hell i do things to self-sabotage myself. and to make matters worse, he didn't respond. phuckery.

i'm glad i have this diary, i'm not sure i could have admitted that out loud to someone's face.

i'm going to sleep.

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self-sabotage coupled with phuckery - Sunday, Aug. 11, 2019
because i got high - Friday, Aug. 09, 2019
i see light at the end of the tunnel - Thursday, Aug. 08, 2019
two paths - Wednesday, Aug. 07, 2019
so it seems i'm not a whore. i'm just loose. - Tuesday, Aug. 06, 2019