marriage and revelation

Sunday, Sept. 01, 2019, 9:15 PM

my friend got married yesterday. that makes 2 friends married in the last 2 weeks. i'm the last one left out of my circles. it's strange that i'm left by myself at every turn. i really am a black unicorn now. it really feels like life is passing me by as though as i tossed aside like garbage on the highway.

i was listening to a cover song by stan taylor called "i can't trust myself". one of the lyrics is "do you love me or the idea of me" and it really hit me hard. it's strange how i need to hear something before i can actually categorize it. i'm in love with the idea of someone. when i look at all the qualities 'A' has, i'm not attracted to his personality. not as a 43-yr old woman that wants love. real love. i want to feel comfortable in someone's presence. i want grow with someone. i want my best friend. this is freeing actually. i feel like i'm ready to move on with my life. where i'm going i don't know.

i'm going to take a break to brainstorm possible jobs and part-time jobs. money/time is of the essence. i need something quickly. i'm actually considering going back to school. perhaps biblical studies. i would like to have some letters behind my name. we'll see. the world is my half-eaten oyster.

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crack free - Sunday, Oct. 27, 2019
life as i live it - Monday, Oct. 21, 2019
brownlee - Sunday, Sept. 15, 2019
thirteen and overcoming - Saturday, Sept. 14, 2019
selling pieces of me - Sunday, Sept. 08, 2019