thirteen and overcoming

Saturday, Sept. 14, 2019, 9:29 PM

so i got a new piercing :) it's piercing number 13. it's another lobe piercing with the final goal to look like this. i'm essentially done with my left ear and now i can focus working on my right ear. it's pretty funny that i said i was done with all piercings below the ears. however, thinking more about it, i was debating if i could endure the pain for a diana piercing. look it up :) i'm assuming it's called a diana piercing because it looks sort of like a crown. it's an interesting piercing that reminds me of wind chimes. i think that would make for an interesting orgasm but unfortunately, i don't think i'm "built" for a diana piercing as i don't think my anatomy is adequate enough to support 2 additional piercings.

so i need to release some drama because i don't want to tell any one. it was told to me for the intent to slander someone else...and it's bad info. let me start a couple of days earlier. a friend reached out on fb and said there was a picture of two people i know in a compromising position. he had on a tank top and she was topless. the friend said it was lawrence and amira. a little background, lawrence is married, with kids and even some grandkids. amira is a young divorcee (not sure how long she's been divorced but it's been a while) with 4 kids...maybe 5 kids. well, my friend said this picture was floating around on fb but she can no longer find it. i said i didn't want to know about it. it's not my business and i don't want to know about anything that's not my business. i'm anti-drama. she didn't mention anything else.

well, here comes the rub. i get a call during my break this week from amira. she's never called me previously but she says that she wants to apologize for lying to me. lying about what i ponder? she says that the rumors are indeed true. that her and lawrence have been having an affair. things went sour after she got pregnant. her tubes are tied and the baby wasn't viable so she had to be admitted into the hospital to handle the dnc. she wanted lawrence to pay for the hospital bills associated with it. he wasn't doing it and dropped off the radar. which makes sense because i've been trying to contact him for weeks now with no response. plus he removed his facebook page. somehow, amira talked to the wife and the wife said that amira is going to eat the cost of the medical bills because she's not paying. rightfully so. why should the wife pay for your medical bills when your sleeping with her husband. you don't magically become sister wives because you got pregnant. but i saw through her intentions. she's not sorry she slept with him. she's sorry she can't milk him for more money. she got tires and a few other things out of him. she only called me to make him look bad and make herself out to be the victim. she even said he was sleeping with other people in the office. her reaction is more of fatal attraction's bunny rabbit.
anyhoo, looking back now i see the breadcrumbs that something was going on but i chose to look through rose-colored glasses before making a judgement. there were things that i saw that made me feel uncomfortable. things that let me know that she disregarded personal space as well as his marriage vows. i'm keeping them both in prayer. it's really sad too because he's a deacon at his church. well, he was. not sure what's going to happen now.

second thing, i posted a really cute pic on fb a few days ago. i get a response from a guy that i hadn't talked to in about 6 years or so. he asked me if i was still single. i said single. very single. making it tantamount to single and not looking. said i was hanging out with God. so then he asked, "are you still celibate?" seriously?? who asks that?! it's blatant what he wants. so i said, "that's personal. why would you ask me that?" he said because he was curious. so i said it was late and for him to have a good evening. insanity.

what i've found out is that i'm taking on too much heartache and i'm having trouble releasing it. writing this is helping me as i've been holding on to these last two things for a few days now and it's been wearing on me. i need to learn how to stop internalizing the insults, the drama, and the past hurts. i need to address them and let them go. focus on the future and what i can have and not let people get in the way.

i'm making it a point to dress up more when i go out. dressing down in leggings and sweats has really dinged my self-esteem. i just stopped feeling attractive and it became the norm. i dressed up and i really forgot what it was like to be pretty. i put on makeup, perfume, and a dress. no guys looked in my direction but it was a start. all eyes were on my friend. she's really pretty and young. she's in her late 20's and a size 4. i'm passed my prime it seems but it was nice that i dressed up and i was pretty. this is going to be one of the ways i can overcome depression. i've been feeling it trying to creep back in but i've been focusing on prayer, getting out the house to spend time with friends and not staying on my couch. i need to make more of an effort to clean. my house is atrocious. i recognize it and now i need to tackle it.

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today was a good day - Sunday, Nov. 03, 2019
making sure to write out my thoughts - Wednesday, Oct. 30, 2019
crack free - Sunday, Oct. 27, 2019
life as i live it - Monday, Oct. 21, 2019
brownlee - Sunday, Sept. 15, 2019