sorry about the last entry. i was inebriated from tequila. i purchased the rock's teremana tequila and made his signature drink, manarita. i did overindulge and that's why i couldn't complete my entry the other day. now i'm going to struggle to remember what i wanted to write.

so thursday, i was on a mission to beat myself up. the day prior, i was told i didn't get the job i applied for and i wouldn't let myself be consoled. but a guy called in by the name of leroy. i knew his voice was different so i just waited for God to move. before he hung up, he said i wanna tell you something. he said, "no matter what is before you, it's not stronger than the power of God behind you." i just broke down crying. we had a moving conversation. he said he was strung out on drugs for about 10 or so years and spent $40k on crack. he had an amazing testimony. through all that, all he was say is how good God is. he told me that i have so many blessings in front of me and to just hold on.

later that day, i got a glimmer of light at work. although i didn't get the position i applied for i was pulled aside by my supervisor to inform me that my name is on a list for a temporary position to help out with disputes. it's on an as needed basis for the month of july. i feel my supervisor is feigning some type of sadness that one of her top performers is not going to participate in her team rankings. i really don't need to hear it. i'm freaking 44 knickeling and dimeing people for a company that is in turn knickeling and dimeing me. i want something else. i have a huge desire to stop talking to the general public. i keep receiving prayer from people inside my circle and they all say that i have to love people and see them the way that God sees them. i'm not gonna lie, i'm just disappointed to hear that i'll still be on these phones and will stay with this company even longer. it's devastating. so my prayer is for God to help me change my mindset to enjoy what he has assigned me to do.

i don't want to complain. i don't want to be the mumbler. i don't want to be the one that gripes. i have to change. i just thought my life would be different. impactful. i have to put things in perspective that i'm starting over and this is uncharted territory for me not being in IT.

i'm sure i had more to say but i know i can't remember all that i had planned.