my absence, a text, desires and a dream.

Sunday, Oct. 04, 2020, 5:17 PM

it's been more than a month since i've updated. my friend from jamaica has come and gone. i was concerned having her come due to it being cootie season and all so i had some restrictions put in place. i had her put her stuff in the trunk and sit in the back seat. when we got in the house, i had her wash her hands, undress in the laundry room to wash her clothes then go shower and of course, i sprayed down her bags. we got tested after a couple of weeks to ensure no cooties were given.

it was nice to have someone here but i'm glad i now have my space back. it's not easy having to host your space for a full month. i opted not to her charge her anything because she's getting ready for her wedding in december. all i know is that when i get to jamaica i better not have to come out of pocket for utilities.

'A' sent me a text during her stay. it was every bit of phuckery he could muster. i need to document the text so it will be forever preserved in history and of course, when i need a good laugh.

friday, sep 18th, just after midnight, so 1am for him

'A' - please forgive, i know it's late...
just ran across something, and it begs to question...
have you ever posted about me on urban dictionary?

me, 6am - no but it sounds like you have a good story to tell.
link me please.

'A' posted image of his name:

'A's are the most amazing boys in the world. if you know an 'A', go out with him immediately. he will not disappoint you. 'A's are sweet, funny, romantic, adorable, caring, and absolutely perfect. it doesn't matter how far away you are from him, he will love you no matter the distance. 'A's have the cutest black curly hair and most attractive faces of all the boys out there. also, they have huge veiny cocks. ;) trust me, 'A's are the best guys out there. i love 'A' sooo much.

hey, who's that hot guy over there?
oh, that's just 'A'. isn't he perfect?

by nicoleloves'A' july 13, 2012

'A' - was talking to my friend ana about setting up a dating profile...
i had no idea how to describe myself, and she sent me this link...
*i omit the link, because there is only so much phuckery i will take*

there were a ton of entries, so i skipped to the last page and saw the post in the photo...
after reading it, whether you or not, my heart was full at the thought!

me - 'A', i wanted to watch you bleed out from me slicing your throat. something like this would have been the furthest thing from my mind, especially in 2012. although now, i wish you all the happiness that life can muster :D good luck with the dating site...

'A' - @ i wanted to watch you bleed out from me slicing your throat... sticks and stones!

love you too!

me - sorry to disappoint. but that description is not how i see you.

'A' - overstood!

me - hugs :D

'A' - and a radiant day to you to you, ms. *insert my last name*


now i can delete the text.

this fool actually considered not only that i wrote it but seriously considered those traits actually describe him. we ended in '07...at the latest we should have ended in '02 but my heart wanted what it wanted. the only thing that would be accurate out this list would be "funny" and a "big dick". he's only batting 2 out of the roughy 11 traits listed. you are failing, buddy! and for phucks sake, he lost his hair in roughly, '02 or '03. how in the hell in the year of our good lord, Jesus Christ, does he consider having pretty curly hair in 2012??!! wishful phucking thinking.

i actually considered sending him a post i found of "georgie porgie" from the same website, but felt it was too much effort to spend on him. but he has the point. no need to put more bullets in what's already dead.

i was talking to a new friend, zal, yesterday. we talked close to 4 hours. we talked about a lot. she's getting married next year. all my friends are married or getting married and here i am. she even mentioned that she would like to see me start dating. i gave her the bad news that i'm a resident in Trump country. not much interracial dating happening here. there is 0% interest in me by anybody. combining that with covid the percentage is even lower. but it's nice for her to want somebody for me. that makes me feel good. i would like to start dating or having someone to talk to that doesn't wanna play any games. i have trust issues.

work has been work. super busy. still unfulfilling. still don't know what i want out of a career but have been having thoughts of something that i want. i want a nobel peace prize. i want what a lot of people don't have but yet it would require making an impact. so i'm going to research it.

before i forget, i had a dream the other day. it was starting off bad and i refused to continue it. i had a dream someone forced themselves into my house. my first instinct was to hide when i saw their shadow come up the steps. i decided instead to jump from one side of staircase to the other so i could make it to my room to call for help. once i had that thought i realized that i was dreaming. i decided to wake up this dream seemed like it was going to be violent. my dreams have been going bad for the past 2 years. i told zal about it. she prayed and she said i had the power to change them. i'm going to start praying about dreams before i go to bed. to not be violent and scary, although i do want them to be revealing.

oh i forgot to mention i'm in my third month of veganism. i will say that it's easier now to muster through without the cravings for meat. i've also given up alcohol and processed sugar for a period of time. i've been reading books that focus on a plant-based diet and i'm learning some vital information. one of the most important things i've learned is that i'm addicted to salt and i'm consuming far too much oil. salt is going to cause health issues later in life and oil is immediately absorbed and tacked on to those fat cells. oil is just not good for you. i've started using water and vegetable broth when i cook instead. i have to learn how to use other seasonings to still make the food palatable. i haven't lost any weight which is perplexing but i haven't been working out either. that really does need to change. i figured since i was eating nothing but plants the weight would fall off especially since i stopped stuffing my face with cookies and other processed sweets. but alas, i just require more effort.


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