still birthday winning.

a friend came in town from NY to see the Chiefs/Bills game. the first time we've met and it's like we've known each other for years. i demolished her in a game of spades - 530 to -9. :) it makes it extremely bad is that i haven't played since i played 'A' in '07.

i haven't been around anyone outside of class and tiffany since pre-pandemic. i really enjoyed myself.

i failed to support a friend when i should have. keith called me yesterday morning while i was in the middle of prayer with a friend. he didn't sound good but i wanted to stay in prayer with judeska. i asked him if he was good for a couple of hours until i was able to call him back. judeska gave me a pass to reconnect later that day or sunday but i refused. i wanted to stay in prayer. he said he was good, however, in hindsight, i should have postponed prayer to make sure he had someone to talk to. i called him later when i was free and he said he really wasn't good and had no motivation to get out of bed. in hindsight,

i have to question my motive behind not wanting to drop everything and talk to keith. i think the other side the coin lies in the fact that he wasn't there for me when i was going through. he wasn't calling and checking on me, he didn't say anything whatsoever when my mom died. not even a courtesy call to see if i was ok and if i needed anything. radio silence. perhaps it's an underlying personality flaw that exposes my petty in the most inappropriate way. it was a wrong decision. i shouldn't have done that. i should drop everything to make sure my friend doesn't want to die and try to take his life.

when we talked later, i made sure that he is still going to his therapist. that he has something fun to do to make him enjoy life again. he decided on cooking recipes that interest him. i made sure that he is away to stay away from chicken and eggs as they block serotonin. and i made sure that if he needs me to let me know 911 and i'll drop everything for him to make sure he's ok. i'm going to make more of an effort to check on him a few times a week just to make sure he knows i'm here.

tomorrow is my state exam to be certified as a nursing assistant. not gonna lie. after doing 3 days of clinicals i have no desire to do this as a job. the administration was really pushing applications on us and not a single person from class took one. one person was interested but distance was an issue.

in other sobering news, there was a staff member that unknowingly had covid and infected a residents. one i had an interaction. i remember assisting him with his dinner. i felt the need to pray for him but i don't remember what i prayed. i really should have asked him if he wanted prayer and to pray about his relationship with Jesus. i didn't feel it was "ok" by facility standards so i didn't. i just prayed to God for him. turns out the that he declined fairly quickly. the day that he was admitted to the hospital was the day he died. my understanding is he died a week later. it's humbling and sobering. to be that close to be just mere days from being in covid's path and someone i fed is no longer here in such a short amount of time. i'm still having a hard time with that.