i told God this morning that i have nothing to look forward to (sorry bad grammar) and that's why i keep retreating to my past because it feels good. it's actually an addiction. i retreat to something that makes me feel good but doesn't benefit me. can you believe it? i run off to get high and waste more of my life.

after sitting in God's presence, i got a revelation. i do have something to look forward to (again, bad grammar). i have a better me. one that's not depressed. one that's focused on her future. one that is going to get her life together.

judeska gave me a word after prayer...embark.

i'll fill you in later. i want to go to sleep.