the deets

Saturday, Mar. 12, 2022, 11:46 AM

i wish i had written this entry immediately after everything transpired.

my dad hadn't been answering my calls over the course of 3-4 days. my heart dropped. is he ignoring me? could he be dead? my heart sank. i didn't want him to be dead.

i made up my mind. i need to go see him. i forgave him (at least i think i have), however, i have no desire to reconcile. (i need to delve into that thought a lot deeper.) i need to tell him what God wants me to tell him. but what are the exact words? how do i start? how do i end? the middle? i'm at a loss but i know i had to talk to him. i talked it over with shirley. she started praying.

i arrive at his house. somethings are different. the bushes have been removed. a railing installed along the steps leading to the house. a whistling camera installed to take my picture as i walked up the steps. the doorbell removed and replaced with a Ring doorbell a few inches away from it's original location. i didn't know if i should stay outside. i didn't want to go in but the nature of the visit requires a some privacy instead of my voice echoing in earshot of any prying neighbor.

i ran the Ring doorbell. in comical fashion i hear, "Who is it? Who is it?" how you pay all this extra money for technology, for security, just to ask "Who is it?!" i replied, "Nicole." he unlocks the door, says, "come in", while walking away. i was hesitant but i prayed. i went in. "have a seat. sit down."

he asks why i'm there. i don't know how to prevaricate in this situation. i'm not one that can sugarcoat the seriousness of the issue. so i start of asking, "remember how you used to get me out bed when i was little to pray?" he nods. i said, "well because of that, God wants me to tell you this. you might make it to 78 but you will not make it to 79. you need to repent." he starts laughing. i always hated that. laughed at me when i was being serious. he asks, "how do you know?" God told me. "repent for what?" i wanted to say, "kneegrow, you think just because no one has challenged nor checked your shenanigans that you haven't sinned. that no one has seen you?" but the only thing that came out of my mouth was, "God has to tell you."

i can tell he was uncomfortable. but who wouldn't be when they were given a countdown to their life? he asked to pray motioning for me to sit next to him. i go over, sit down, we hold hands and i begin to pray. towards the end, he says, "i repent" three times but without any knowledge why nor depth to those words. he asked me to pray for my brother and nephew. i said ok. he then asks me to leave (not that had any intentions on staying) so he can go back to bed.

i left. haven't been back. haven't heard from him since.

� previous entry next entry �

back to index

so i did a thing. - Saturday, May. 07, 2022
c'est la vie - Thursday, May. 05, 2022
changes will come - Tuesday, May. 03, 2022
46 - Thursday, Apr. 07, 2022
my thoughts before i turn 46 - Sunday, Apr. 03, 2022