so i've been thinking of getting my nipples pierced for almost a year now. i've researched online articles and got people's experiences via youtube. bottomline, the consensus was that hurts like the dickens but everybody's experience is different in regards to the healing. you just won't know until you do it. i got a mammogram done 2 weeks ago. my scans came back clear so yesterday i ventured out to the tattoo shop.

it was weird being back into a tattoo parlor. i got my navel pierced more than 20 years ago and it's been gone for at least 15 years. emotions came flooding back. pain, blood, healing time, and not to mention taking my shirt off in front of someone i don't know.

i asked some questions and he answered all of them. he did say that if i had second thoughts that i need to take more time until i felt comfortable. i started thinking about jamaica and how there is greatness beyond the fear. i sucked it up, took off my shirt and my bra. the piercer, paulie, marked me and told me to lay down. he told me it's going to hurt but it will be quick and quick he was. he told me to take a deep breath and he would pierce me on the exhale. he did both piercings by freehand. he did the left one first. the pain wasn't as bad as i thought it was. i made mention of it and paulie said that women have a higher pain tolerance so it isn't as bad. he did the second one and it hurt worse. my reaction was a bit more vocal but not far off from the first one. he said the second one tends to hurt more because you know what to expect and you have to wait for it. it was probably a good move on his part to mention that after the fact instead of before. when he was done i immediately started feeling waves of burning. the pain would ebb and flow. but overall, it wasn't bad.

now my problems is that i can't go running off at the mouth about the piercings. i told merkie's brother via whatsapp what my plans were and he's been hounding me. i have to handle myself accordingly because having nipple piercings has even more of a stigma and perception than that of a navel ring. i remember guys being a bit more assertive, if not aggressive ,when they saw my navel ring. i did tell mark. mark, if nothing else, is a gentleman. he was actually the one i talked to while i was in the tattoo parlor that kept me from freaking out. he said that because i climbed a waterfall and i could even do this. he gave me that last cup of courage to get them done. even though he did say he wants to see them he wouldn't pressure me. i told him i might send him a pg-13 pic for his bday (nov). i like having this secret. i just wish i could tell more people without the potential backlash. i told jamika, a friend that i've known about 20 years. she's into tattoos and body piercings so i felt she'd be easy to tell. when i met her she had a tongue piercing. she has since then gotten her nose pierced as well as a monroe piercing. she has a tattoo of her first son's footprints on her back as well as a half sleeve on her arm. once i told her i got my nipples pierced she stopped texting. not another text. nothing to the effect of "how do you like them?" "do they hurt?"...nothing. just no response. maybe i'm reading too much into but that let me know that could be a common response if i start telling people.

at the end of the day, i got them for me. no one else has to know. no one else needs to know. my secret.

i got home after the mcgregor and mayweather fight and took a look at my bandages. no blood and no draining. that's a great sign that i'm going to heal well. today i'm not in any pain although i am really tender. my healing time is 5-8 months.

i talked to 'A' a few days ago. i let him know of my plans and he was ambivalent about the piercings. he understood the allure of them but he goes into any possible complications with breastfeeding. well, i'm 41 going on 42. i'm not married. no prospects. the likelihood of me popping out a kid now is slim. i'm actually surprised that he would discourage me in that aspect. i'm baffled by it actually.

however, during our talk, he did mention something profound. he talked about how he doesn't hold grudges. if a memory doesn't propel him forward he doesn't store it. all this time i thought his memory was trash but it's actually a filter. that portion of the conversation actually stuck with me. all the memories that i have of him actually keep me stagnant in the past. based off this conversation, i decided to go on a detox. i want God to help me remove all the memories that keep me from progressing. my time with God in jamaica let me know i have such a blessed life and it's only going to get better if i keep progressing.

matter of fact, i was speaking to a lady that called about her credit card at work one day. based on our conversation we knew that we were both christians and we started speaking into each other's lives. she was saying that with her age and physical condition she can't do as much as she used to but she wants people to know about Christ. at that moment, i could see her surrounded by kids spreading the light of Christ. i didn't know whether they neighborhood kids or what but i saw her sharing Jesus with kids. she said that her family has a ton of kids. i said that's it. she's going to keep evangelizing through her family. they will be the light. and in turn, she told me that i'm going to have such a good life IF i stay on the path that God has for me. just hearing that let's me believe that what could be the ruin of me is my past. i keep it in the forefront of my mind. if i learn to let it go and focus on what is at hand and what could be i could have a GOOD life.

so that's what i want. a substantial detox to propel me into the good life that God has planned for me.