i wish i had someone to discuss my thoughts. people that i talk to on a regular/semi-regular basis always tend to unload on me but never once ask me if i'm ok. at the very least they never did deep enough to know when something is off.

i'll be ok. i'll pray. God always listens.

i joined two dating sites today. i got some views. one guy is actually interested. however, reading his bio, i realize that i'm not ready to date. at least not him. his bio reads that he is recently divorced from a "toxic" marriage and has 2 kids that don't stay with him. he's very attractive but it's not wise to invite drama in my life. the other site doesn't have a trial period requiring payment from the start. i'm going to delete it because i realize i'm not ready to date. although, i have 14 messages that i'm curious to read i don't think they are worth paying to see.

i'm not ready to date because i feel extremely insecure and embarrassed about my job situation. i don't want to tell anyone that not only am i 41, college-educated, i answer phones for a credit card company that robs a good portion of their account holders, and i don't have the faintest idea where i want do and go to next.

i've been looking at the local community college's online courses. how does one live without any interests? to be a middle-aged adult that can't find what's missing in her life to pursue? how am i living? i've been saying this for the past 10 years begging for fulfillment and i still have nothing.