so i had this phone call yesterday at work. this lady called about her account and talked to me for over an hour. she talked my ear off for an hour and sixteen minutes!!! she wouldn't let me get a word in edge-wise. i don't know how she inhaled for during the conversation but it was exhausting. she's elderly but not that old. she's 65. she kept talking about how everyone is against her and does her wrong. her sisters, her kids, neighbors, church members, and everyone she could possibly think to mention. the longer she talked the more i had to look at myself. she blamed everyone else for her isolation.

i just wonder. is this going to be me in 23 years? i isolate myself whenever possible. i'm quick to hit the block button. i need to do some more soul searching.

i've been playing a youtube playlist of motivational videos while i sleep. to keep me going with healthy thoughts, my workouts, and to work towards a better me and my future. i'm still fighting thoughts of depression but i'm winning. the thoughts of wanting this suffering to end are truly enticing but the wonder of something better is to come distracts me.

i have to get out of this job. it's a legalized racket and it's insufferable. get this, if an account holder is eligible for a late fee waiver, i'm supposed to fight them on it. so if i waive too many late fees my job is in jeopardy. this is udder bullshit. why let a person be eligible if my employment can be terminated?? i honestly don't have time for these type of mental games.

i need to get certified in something so i can leave this bastard job.

i'm going to keep pushing.