i have no idea where God is taking me working in this position so i'm going to try to learn all that i can.

i've already made a mistake during my first week. i got snippy with an associate in nesting. long story short, she needs to go back to training. she doesn't have the ability to communicate over the phone nor does she know enough to give any account holder accurate information. at one point i spoon fed her information to tell the customer and she still conveyed the information incorrectly. on top of that, she's failing at quality. she's going to cost the company money and customers if she goes out on the floor.

well, the associate noticed my frustration and mentioned it to another co-worker. and in turn that co-worker went to their supervisor (my former supervisor) to let him know i wasn't the most nurturing nor professional lead to assist her. he told me so now i have to show growth as an individual and a future lead. i had to explain to ralph that i wasn't ready for that level of incompetence coming straight out of training. he actually understood exactly what i was saying and agreed with me. i went to the operations lead to notify him. he, ralph and i had an impromptu meeting letting him know that she needs to go back to training ASAP if she still wants to continue to work in her current position. i have no doubt she's the reason why nesting is sitting at 33% csat.

i grabbed her before she left for the day. i apologized for my frustration and did my best to give her constructive criticism in a positive tone. i let her know that it's still my first week in this position and that i'm working on addressing frustrations when working with non-peer co-workers. she said she understood and some other stuff i can't remember. it was all BS but i don't care. she won't last long enough for me to be concerned about it.

i'm still working out like a maniac. i'm doing cardio everyday and weights 3 times a week. i'm walking during my lunch and getting in more steps at work because i'm not leashed to my desk. i'm off sugar but i still need to focus on more nutrient dense meals. i'm still eating a lot of veggie burgers and vegan burritos. once i get that under control i should see some major results. i take the second round pics on the 15th to show 30 day results. as of right now i can't tell a difference in how anything fits but i'm also wearing a lot of leggings.

i'm missing 'A' but i keep reminding myself he's not the person that i love. i love an idea of him and he can't live up to my expectations. he's simply not the person that i need. i have to keep reminding myself of the reality of "us" because if i don't i will take a few spins on the ferris wheel of memory lane and stay there for hours.

i will say working out as much as i am is causing me to focus on me. where i am and where i could potentially be physically. i like it. i have autonomy over how i look. i have tons more to do. it's still helping my mood.

i saw keith a few weeks ago. he looks bad. dangerously overweight. i asked him what his results were from his last physical. he said he was 1 number away from having a stroke or heart attack. i've been on him ever since to walk and eat better. he's back at the gym now slowly getting back into a healthier lifestyle. his weight is causing him a lot of pain so he has no choice but to take it slower. but as long as he's doing it i won't ride him hard. i don't want to lose my friend. been hanging out with him since '04. he's really the only guy friend i have that is strictly platonic.

i'm peeling back layers of my anxiety. what i've found is that i need to feel valued outside of my current employment. i have some apocryphal perception that my position has some direct correlation with my value as a person and position in society. i'm bringing home roughly a third of what i used to when i worked for big blue and it's truly humbling. i don't have the financial freedoms that i used to have with the excess money. i could travel freely, not think about if i have enough to pay bills, take care of home repairs, and call in sick without it affecting my position. thinking about it causes me to want to apply for a new position but i need to learn what i can from this leadership position. there is a lot to learn. hopefully, what i learn in this leadership position will allow me to venture to another position more lucrative.