diaryland had me in my emotions for the last 3 days because of the "update". i sent andrew a few tweets since his update to let him know that no one was able to update their diary. he didn't respond to any of my messages. not even an eta. he finally got it fixed today but i really have a sour taste in my mouth regarding this site. it's in shambles. aspects of my diary just don't work and he's made no valid effort in resolving those issues. i've decided to start copying my entries to goodnightjournal.com, then mirror the diary until diaryland goes belly up. that is a serious pet peev of mine, to reach out to you and to not even be acknowledged. but alas, i saw a shirt and i need to employee it's manta - LET THAT SHIT GO! i may buy one when i get paid on friday. it will be a great night shirt.

anyhoo, the things that have been going through my head for the past few days. i interviewed for the lead position and didn't get it. i was told that same day. but here's the kicker. i emailed 2 of my previous supervisors for information vital to the interview twice and neither one of the responded. i got some of the required information from a supervisor i met that day but i'm still salty. i bend over backwards by helping key people that need assistance on their team and when i need to show the results from that help, my requests are ignored.

i got a vape pen a couple of weeks ago. the only thing legal here is cbd. it doesn't do anything for me. i even got an oil higher in cbd mg. i don't notice a change in anxiety. i don't see myself smoking again unless i can get a hold of some thc oil which will not be anytime soon.

i have noticed my diet hasn't been clean for weeks now and i believe it's altered my mental state. i've been extremely depressed and i'm craving more of the same foods that are keeping me depressed. i'm even being enticed by suicidal thoughts, i don't want to get out of bed nor do i want to workout. i don't think i've worked out since saturday...possibly friday.

somehow i mustered up the energy to prepare green smoothies for the day. it seemed as soon as i drank it i instantly felt better. that lets me know that my eating is undoubtedly affecting my depression and suicidal thoughts.

i went to a new church on sunday. i think it's one that i may join as i have lost connection with my "current" church. i haven't been in months. no one has checked on me. i know they assume i've been working and for the most part it's true. my schedule does include sundays now. however, unless i'm in someone's face there is not enough connection there to keep me going. let's say i did indulge some suicidal thought, they would more than likely find out after everyone else. do i really want to go to a church that i'm not connected with? nah.