i'm slow to make entries due to all the overtime that i've been working. i have to do the overtime because i won't be getting much of an incentive check in march because of petty accountholders and their negative surveys.

SIDE NOTE: people never fail to shoot the messenger. i just read what's on the screen. they didn't pay their bill for 2 months or they were late on a payment resulting in them being restricted from using their card for 30 days so they leave me a negative review. a negative review lowers my opportunity to survive to the next paycheck. petty SOBs. PAY YOUR EFFING BILLS!!! if you can't pay don't expect to be able to use your credit card to do more shopping. it's simple. it's not brain science. #malaphors

anyhoo, i had a dream a few days ago.

I was in the house I grew up in and the way things transpired it was as if I was still living there. I was in my room when I noticed my brother had a knitting project in his hand (he doesn't knit and lies constantly). He said he was going to do something with it because someone needed it. It was almost like he was trying to be a distraction.

I went into a room that would have been my parents' room I did not recognize it. There were a few people in the room I didn't recognize either. My brother handed someone the knitting project that only had a few rows completed. Immediately after a fire broke out in another part of the house. The fire spread so quickly that it seemed like arson. Barely getting it of the house through the garage with the others I didn't recognize, the front of the house were my parents room was collapsed into the garage then the garage collapsed narrowly missing a man's head who I didn't recognize either. I could see the rest of the house ablaze. I stood in shock watching everything burn away. I told myself that I have to go through the rubble the next day when the fire was out to find my mother's and grandmother's rings.

The rings mean a lot to me. Even when I told myself I had to look for them, I realized they wouldn't be there because I didn't live there and I wouldn't keep the rings in that house. Then I woke up.

This is the second dream I had about the house I grew up in being destroyed. I didn't see my brother after the fire but I didn't get the feeling that he was trapped inside either. Just gone.

so i got an interpretation from the teacher that led my creativity class.

"Praise the Lord. All interpretations come from The Holy Spirit.

There is a situation in your life that needs immediate attention. Where you are supposed to be the most comfortable and safe is about to be gone. The fire could be the Holy Spirit that is going to going to bring this major change in what is comfortable and familiar in your life. The other people in the house are spirits that no longer serve a purpose.

This being the second time you’ve had a house burning dream is to emphasize the importance of it.

God is going to get rid of all the stuff you don’t need anymore. The garage being destroyed is a place things are stored in you’re mind that are taking up valuable space and that is going to be destroyed. Your brother is another side of you that is doing busy work. The busy work is being passed to other parts of you that are distracting you’re true purpose. You’re recognizing that it’s busy work and that’s why very little of it is complete.

What’s really valuable will remain in your heart."

this makes so much freaking sense. it made me think of the diary entry that i made on 9/14/14. that interpretation didn't feel like it fit but it was what i had at the time. so i asked for another interpretation since it was a dream concerning my parents' house.

"I see this as a battle in the heavens over your 'house' mind/soul. It’s interesting that you were looking at the house and not in the house. There is an observational dynamic here.

I can’t tell what the specific battle is about. The house being destroyed by debris can mean the aftermath of a traumatic event has really damaged your level of trust."

that is spot on as well and a dramatic contrast from the initial interpretation.

"There is a situation in your life that needs immediate attention. Where you are supposed to be the most comfortable and safe is about to be gone." this is unsettling. the only place where i feel the most comfortable and safe is my current home. in regards to the dream i only felt the most comfortable in my room. that was my only peace in that house. so now i need to pray for spiritual comfort to handling losing what is most comforting and safe.

my mental safeguards? my home?

the other day i talked to a woman that called in regarding her credit card accounts. i asked her if there was anything "we" could do to keep them open. she replied that the gov't sent her a letter stating that they have overpaid her for the past 14 years for social security and they are now going to cut her check to ONE DOLLAR going forward to make up for their loss. so i asked if she wanted prayer and she said yes. as i began to pray, i asked God for not only financial provision but provision to fight the gov't for what they are doing. she needs national exposure to expose the @$$holes that are doing. she has to pay a mortgage, eat, pay bills and the gov't is saying she can have $1.

after praying for her, she let me know that she is also a minister. she thanked me for encouraging her and she couldn't wait to go to bible study to let those know that God always is there to encourage you when you feel your lowest. she said i hit all the points she were concerning her. it's surreal really. as i was praying for her i felt tingly all over. it was like having goosebumps but no goosebumps. she said the holy spirit was on me. surreal. she said that i was brave for praying for her at work. my thoughts on it are this. if i get caught and in trouble God will move me someplace else.

i've taken it on to write out my prayers everyday. i'm doing this to keep track of my prayers as God answers them. doing this has kept me in a better head space. i don't dread going into work everyday and i don't keep the mantra "i hate my life" anymore. but i still need to look for other work opportunities. even though this is better than the previous place i worked this is still the "sunken place".

i need to check on a former co-worker. i saw on snapchat that she went into pre-term labor and is in the hospital. this is the same person that said she didn't want to be pregnant just before she found out she was pregnant in this entry. scary. i wonder what is going through her mind. is she happy about the baby now or would she be relieved if she loses it? i don't want to be grim nor insensitive. just curious.