sorry it's taken me so long to update. been preoccupied with my thoughts and juggling life.

i'm so thankful that my sonogram came back as a cyst. i hear entirely too many stories from women that have had breast cancer or women that are going through treatment for breast cancer. it's sobering.

so the rumor mill has be spinning faster and faster these days about the company that i'm at currently. turns out that they aren't rumors. my friend, tiffany, is seeing a therapist that so happens to also counsel other unknown coworkers from our site. well, tiffany has voiced her apprehension about the most recent restructuring and layoffs at the company and it's causing her a significant degree of anxiety (myself included). well, the therapist has told her without many details that our site is going to be hit significantly and she needs to find a new job asap. with the company closing many sites in favor of outsourcing new sites - india, the phillipines, and mexico, it really sounds like another site closing.

then to confirm this, i had a dream. i don't have the ability to pick nor influence my dreams so i find this significant. i was telling a person, of whom i value their insight, of what has been occurring. he says something to the effect of, "why do people think that their company owes them something? it's not the employers responsibility to provide employment. they need to do what ever needs to keep them afloat. but at least you know ahead of time so you can prepare to find something else." if that isn't sound advice i don't know what is. the company that i work for owes me nothing...not even the truth. and likewise, i don't owe it anything either. back in june/july, the ceo left (or was pushed out). without it being said, you knew he was the reason why layoffs didn't happen. i'd ask questions, but they were rebuffed with no major changes would happen. well, 400 lost jobs and 3 overseas sites later here we are.

i had an interview with carmax a few days ago. i knew i wasn't going to get it. and to be quite honest, i didn't even want it. but it gave me the opportunity to get comfortable interviewing again. it was for a sales position and i have no desire to do sales. ever. i need a job with more money and carmax is providing a comparable hourly wage. i told God that i want a job where i can make a significant difference in lives and make a higher salary. i want to make between 60-80k. the only jobs that i know of are IT and jobs i'm not qualified to have due to education and experience. so there's that. God can do above all that we ask or think so i just have to keep trusting.

people have been praying for me. without me mentioning anything about my employment situation, they've all said that i'll be getting a new job soon. so it's time to prepare.