i have an interview this thursday that i have to prepare for and get. i need this interview to go my way. life in customer care is not safe. no job is but i see the signs and i'm taking heed. they most obvious signs are 40+ million people out of work. when people are making "just living to get by" a priority paying the banks are on the back burner. the less money the banks have, the less money the banks have to pay associates. since the coronavirus has affected capitalism like never before, stores are closing and aren't reopening. less stores means less associates are required to support them. then there was an email sent out to customer care asking us to voluntarily cut back on hours...because they don't know if it's going to be mandatory in the future. i asked other depts if they got the same email and they said no. cuts are happening. i just don't know when. and most importantly, i remember in the beginning of the year before the plagues hit God told me to prepare to leave.

this new position is a lateral move (no increase in pay) to a diff department, account protection. back in feb i was told they were looking to hire about 80+ people. i don't know if that number holds true now but that does increase my chances. with the diff department there are more instances for pay increases with advancement. all i wanna do is win. i need to win. the only caveat with taking this position i lose my option for making my schedule. in care, because i rank so high among my peers i get to make my schedule and i have for the last year and half. 4x10s with the weekends off is my choice. i lose that option and will another split shift. more than likely sunday-tuesday and thursday-friday. it's beneficial to have 3 days off in a row after talking to the general public. people in general are assholes and just so happens they have credit cards. if i choose the earliest schedule i can be done by 230pm and i'm heavily considering it. hopefully things will be better in this department.

i talked to shameika a few days ago. it's good to talk to her. things have changed. there is a distance there but we still had a good conversation. she works everyday in healthcare and is in bed by 8 so it's just harder to keep up with her. but hopefully we can reestablish our connection and move forward.

not sure i mentioned that i finished my writing class a couple of weeks ago but i did get an A. i'm proud of myself. now the bigger challenge is applying what i learned.

i miss being social. tiffany is in jamaica so i keep in contact with her a couple of times a week. she wants me to go to the wedding in december. i want to go but i don't want to travel during cold and flu season along with the coronavirus. i told her i took the days off for the wedding but we will have to see how things go. the rona is nothing to be trifled with. just dealing with the possibility of a painful death is one thing but another to survive it and have an outrageous medical bill to commend you for surviving. no thanks. oh, before i forget, i took a covid test on friday. they were doing testing down the street (i lucked out) so i just wanted to confirm i didn't have anything. i was in line less than 10 min and the test wasn't painful just extremely uncomfortable. there is even a burning sensation like a chemical at the end of the swab. i'll get results in 5-7 days. a phone call if i'm positive, a letter in the mail if i'm negative.

i'm going to have to make more efforts to be social. i need to increase the phone calls. i refuse to go out to a restaurant or a theater but i need to do something. being alone is messing with me. i watched a netflix documentary about kalief browder. he was accused of stealing a backpack and arrested. he spent 3 years at rikers prison with 2 of those years in solitary confinement. he was 16. he missed his childhood. he was eventually let out but the damage had been done. he was tormented to the point of suicide. i feel that being isolated like this is affecting me. i need people more than i thought i did. i've been hoping that 'A' would call just to burn a few hours but he hasn't called. i won't call him. i refuse. i'll just make me a priority to find something else to do.

oh and one more thing. you know my last entry where i mentioned i got my period a week late? well, i'm still on my period. good grief. i've been rocking this period for 11 days now. it's a light period but my period only lasts 4-5 days tops. i might as well accept it that peri-menopause is settling in. times/things are a changing.