i've been watching the show insecure on hbo faithfully for four seasons. i watch relatable black women navigate life. i've been focusing on the character, molly, the most. molly seems to have the hardest time keeping relationships. in the show, her therapist asked her if she wants to be right or does she want to have relationships. a light bulb went off in my head. watching her has caused me to think a lot about relationships and what i've done to cope in the past that has led me here. i've cut people off emotionally and physically as a coping mechanism primarily because it was what i was taught to do. i was never taught anything different and that instruction festered into something unhealthy and dysfunctional. i've even identified who i am based on that behavior. but i recall a bible verse, 2 cor 5:17 - Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. i'm a new creature. i have to behave the way a new creature behaves. i have to walk in forgiveness. but i really think some relationships aren't worth maintaining. some are just toxic.

even now i'm watching 5 bloods on netflix, and the scene i'm currently on is about forgiveness. the character is saying, it was an accident, i forgive you. God is love. i pray i can accept the fact that people are human, they make mistakes and they hurt you in ways that are tragic. i still have to let it go. God is love.