ok, now its time for me to really spill the beans.

this guy, B, that i've known all my life and did a good part of my life trying to forget he ever existed. he made his way back into my life on facebook. i only accepted his friendship because i needed to address some serious baggage that i was carrying courtesy of B.

just to fill in a piece of our past i'll tell some of our history. he used to force his way into my house with about 5 other guys and feel me up. i never asked for it and never wanted it. i was too scared to tell because i felt that my parents were going to blame me. didn't call the police because they'd tell my parents which would bring me back to the first reason why i didn't tell. i was about 13/14 at the time. it was really hard to deal with because i couldn't get any help. plus those very same guys would ignore me at school the very next day like i never even existed. it was like i was their secret. well through all of this and for the life of me i don't know why i started developing a crush on the ringleader, B. one day he came over by himself and i let him in. we kissed. then i wanted it to end and i told him to stop and leave. he did neither. he had my wrists and i couldn't get him to stop. he forced me to keep going. just kissing but still. he only left because my mother opened the garage door and out the back door he went. and the next day at school, nada. never even acknowledged my existence nor what happened between us.

so the next day, he comes knocking at my door. i close the door in his face and go to my room. he kept ringing my doorbell to no end. but i refused to let him in and continue to be his secret.

from then on, he made it a point only to speak to me (if he spoke to me) to insult me. literally, for our entire high school education. never a nice word. i remember one day, he tripped me in the hallway and just laughed. so yeah, a day without B was a good day.

about 5 or 6 years ago i saw him at a church i used attend. he called out my name and shook my hand. he gave me this look like i was prey. i realized at that point about 10 years after high school that i was still carrying baggage with this situation.

well anyway, he chatted with me on facebook a couple of weeks ago. said he "always thought the world" of me. i just laughed. so apparently he either forgot all the things he done to me which most bullies do or he was lying. the conversation didn't last long but i new issues were still there and i needed to address them.

well the other day i see him online and we start chatting. he brings up the kiss. says it was an amazing kiss and he's never been kissed like that before. said that kiss followed him til now, blah, blah. i told him we were 14. that was almost 20 years ago. that it couldn't be possible especially after he treated the way he did. said that he treated me as such because he really liked me and didn't know how to show me. i mentioned he had no problem showing it to other girls. said he just wanted "stuff" from them but wanted everything from me.

a load of malarky, right? RIGHT!!

anyway, he goes on this big gig of how he's sorry he treated me that way and it was foolish and immature. i told him that didn't make sense. no one treats people that way unless they can't stand them. he said he was mad at me because he felt i rejected him that day in my house and that he felt that i thought he was stupid. pray tell? he said since it was a passionate kiss that i teased him when i didn't give it up. at 14, there was no way i was gonna give it up. NO WAY!! especially someone that only saw me as a joke. and i have no clue as to why he thought i felt he waa stupid. i told him i looked down on him because he was a jerk to me. simple as that.

so to make sure we are on the same page, i "teased" him based on a kiss. he came to my house and stayed long past his welcome.

but he starts really talking crazy at this point. saying his marriage is over, that he wants to meet when he comes back in town this summer.

scary, right?! RIGHT!!!

then he goes into this whole thing about how he wishes he could change the past and tell the whole world how he felt/feels about me, how attractive i am...this whole weird thing. but get this. he keeps asking me if i'm showing people our chat. then says he doesn't care if people know.

weird, huh?! YEP!!! for someone all about regretting how he treated me is still embarrassed for anyone to know that he had/has feelings for me.

then this married man has a bright idea to ask me if i am a virgin. i told him that subject with me is off limits and he has no business asking me that.

i mean what married man with pure motives asks a single woman that question? NONE!

but of course, following old habits, he doesn't let it go. saying he's fascinated and wondering. he said he going to assume that i am. i told him whatever assumption he makes is just his assumption and that he won't know unless i tell him which i am not. but he still wouldn't drop it.

he goes into other crap like do i love him or did i love him...just weird crap. mind you, i really haven't talked to this guy in about 20 years...eerie.

anyhoo, i told him i'd pray about us chatting and what not.

boy did i get answers to my prayer. god said that not only does dude not know how to love (hence his marriage issues) but he doesn't know how to "like" either. that he treated me the way he did because he was really jealous of my lifestyle. i guess because i wasn't in the house with any siblings. my brother had been out the house due to his 8 years senior. that the spirit that drove him to think that i thought he was stupid is still there but now dominant.

i couldn't handle him physically at 14, i know i can't handle him at 33. and that it would be an EXTREMELY bad idea to even invite that dude over my house.

i'll take his apology because i need to move on. but i think he only apologized so he can make a move to get back "in" and hurt me again.

well, i deleted him from facebook. :) i wonder how long it will take for someone who thinks the world of me and is thinking about that 20 yr-old kiss to know that i'm not his friend anymore.

anyway one to more disappointing news, my friend put her husband in jail because he put his hands on her. specifically, around her neck and an arm behind her back. i'm actually quite fearful for her. dude is a loon and she doesn't realize how much of a loon he is. i believe dude is seriously capable of killing her. i can't invite her to stay at my house because i have no doubt he'll burn my house down to the ground.

thing is her calling the police on him is the beginning of the end. its feasible that he may lose his job over it. the job he has requires him to be in the reserves. he gets dinged for the arrest and his career is in the toilet. since his drinking is the problem (as she calls it dr. jekyl and mr. hyde), he won't ever forget that she called the police and he'll blame her for his career being in the toilet. i really think that if she doesn't take the proper action in getting far, far, far away from him that i'll end up seeing her on the news in a triple homicide/suicide deal.

i'm praying that doesn't happen.