good afternoon!

i'm writing this between calls to make sure that i'm updating in a reasonable time frame.

lets focus on the more important happenings of my life. i was texting a friend and she said she heard the Lord tell her to tell me something. "lump sum" and "your father". i said i was just praying for him the day before. she told me to contact him. i said i had no intention of contacting that black man. she said for me to be obedient and contact him. i took a couple of days for that to resonate with my spirit because it's been 8 years since i last saw talked to him so i'm not trying to break any streaks. it took a couple of days but my heart was convicted. i read the letter that he left for me last july. it was fairly morbid and cold.

"Nicole,

I am asking that you are Lonnie send me every doccument that you have by the following insurance company. This company is trying to cut in half the payout win I die. I need these papers as soon as possible.

Thanks,
Lonnie "

it's full of misspellings so it lets me know that his mental acuity isn't as sharp as it was. my heart sank. the person that i've sworn off is closer to death and it's now bothering me. i started thinking about my own soul and forgiveness. if i can't forgive them God won't forgive me. however, knowing this, i'm going but going in with kid gloves.

i make a phone call to him but mask my number. he's disconnected his cell phone but the home number still works. after a few tries he answers the phone. he doesn't recognize my voice and he's offended that my number is blocked. i went through great lengths to change all my numbers, he being the primary reason, my brother the second reason. i have no intention of going through that again. he's just gonna have to be mad. i asked how he was doing as the letter he left was really morbid. he asked if i was okay and i confirmed i was doing well. he said ok, bye. a couple of days later, i felt the need to call him to pray. man, talking to this dude was a trip without the luggage. again, he's upset that my number is blocked...i really don't care but i can understand why he's upset. then he goes in on this diatribe of how he's the victim and everyone around him is the problem. he goes in on how my aunt and uncle stole $300,000 from him, how his grandson is calling asking him for $15,000 to stay out of jail, his mother and her ex-con boyfriend are putting him up to it and they are liars, my brother is lazy and how he had to step in to save his job at Ford 3 times and how he had to pull strings with someone to make sure he had a job...and for the coup de grace, he said even i defamed him...*insert major eye roll* i didn't slander you name whatsoever, if anything, i exposed you but i never said anything that wasn't true. but that's neither hear nor there, i just called you to pray. he goes in again about my phone number being blocked on his caller id and that if i don't want him to call me then he'll never call me again. then he starts shelling out orders for me to contact my brother or my nephew to find out what's going on. i said i'm not doing it. then he starts asking me about my job at ibm. i told him i wasn't working there. he wanted to know where i'm working and i said i just called you to pray. i'm not being roped into his madness. he said that we've all chosen our path, blah, blah. madness. complete madness. we prayed then we disconnected.

i decided to get a google voice phone number. it's a number i can easily get rid of and he'll be the only one to have it.

back to this insurance policy. i called the insurance company. the guy was initially suspicious about me calling but he was nice about it and sent me the documentation that i needed. i pull up the documentation and it's to be added as a beneficiary. all the information required my dad already had most of it. the only thing that he didn't have is my SSN (which i'm not providing) and my phone number. address, name, DOB he could have provided. seems like a waste of energy. the thing is, he has to sign it. he didn't need to drive over here for anything. all he had to was fill out the form, sign it and send it back in. madness. so i filled out the paperwork and mailed it to him with a sticky note saying that he has to sign it and mail it back to the insurance company.