so i've been doing some self-reflecting for the past few days regarding my circumstances and i've made some revelations.

the reason why i was overlooked for the 2 positions is because i didn't make a real attempt to shine. the first interview i only had 2 hrs to prepare so that really wasn't technically my fault. the second interview, i had time to prepare but because i felt i am better than the position i made virtually no effort win it. after hearing the feedback from both interviews the consensus was nearly identical. don't get me wrong, i interviewed for both positions weeks ago and i just now got feedback on bogth in the last week so i couldn't use the feedback from one to help me on the other interview. my attitude sucks and it's apparent in the way i've been carrying myself and how i've been looking at life in general. i have to work harder than my competition in order to be successful. no one is going to give me a higher paying job because of my worth ethic and beaming personality if i can't convey it properly in an interview. duh...

i'm going to arrange to speak with a therapist on monday. i need to make this a regular part of my mental health routine. i just don't know how i'm going to afford it after the first 5 free sessions are done. i lose focus after a few months so i think talking to a therapist at least once a month will do wonders for me. i think talking to someone will help me stay on track because left to my own devices i fail every time. i think i'd like to be medicated as well. the constant anxiety and depression mixed with cantankerous thoughts is a perfect mix for disaster.

i need to get a better handle on my money. it's evident i have a lack of discipline. i'll get it right soon. hopefully.

not sure if i mentioned that i changed my schedule at work. my start time will be 7:15. i'll be out of there at 3:45. i have to get away from these account holders. they are absolutely batty and they are taking it out on me in the surveys. at least i'll be done with them earlier in the day. i had one lady tell me that it WASN'T her fault that she signed up for paperless billing (emailed billing statements) and hasn't paid her bill in 2 months. *blank stare* not to mention, i have no doubt collections has been calling her for 2 months as well trying to get payment. it's not her fault so she dings me in the survey. i'm in adult daycare. i have no idea why account holders expect someone to personally call them to let them know about their account before it goes into collections. tell me, what creditor calls you about the status of your account before it goes into collections. and what creditor removes all late fees and finance charges because you didn't manage your account to the best of your ability?? i hear it EVE.RY.DAY. no lie. NO LIE.

i want to get certified in something that allows me to travel outside the country. i'm going to look this weekend.

i'll update tomorrow.