so i'm over hear about to have a nervous breakdown. i've started school and i'm having trouble staying determined. i know without a doubt God told me to go back to school for nursing. i even asked for prayer from others and they confirmed it as well without me telling them. i sign up for it and i lowkey hate my prereq. i have a test in less than 2 days and i don't want to study for it. i'm fighting it. this is beyond procrastination. i'm literally fighting this. i thought that i would grow to love it and i'm not trying to get to first base. i'm wresting with God. all i can think of is the "cost" of going into this field. having to go to work in rain, sleet, snow and blizzards. working third shift. more customer care...we all know how much i "love" that. and if you couldn't recognize that sound in my voice, that was the sound of sarcasm.

i made a vision board. my vision board consists of visuals for a vegan (plant-based) lifestyle, exercise (i'm down 23 pounds, btw), studying, a friend said add "mr. right" (so i did...because why not? i would like to have a healthy, thriving relationship), nurses, etc. i have a connection to the vegan lifestyle and physical activity but nothing else. the very thing that will steer me away from talking to the general public for low pay is not inticing me...at all. i'm perplexed. i know God told me to do this but i don't care for it. i don't get why i get to leave a job i don't like for another career i'm not liking. i've been wrestling with this all day. i'm having a hard time.

i know i'm very mood driven. maybe i'm expecting too much and can't be satisfied. if i had invested in bitcoin back in '09 i wouldn't be dealing with this. i'd be on a beach somewhere. i'm still kicking myself over that bad call. dumb. dumb. well, you live and you learn.