so it's 7:30 pm and i haven't looked at my book nor my notes since 11am yesterday. i told some acquaintances this morning what i've been dealing with regarding school. i showed them my vision board and one responded that i need to add patients to it so i can make a connection. i spent some time on the renowned google, found some pics and slapped them on it. nothing.

it's like i'm two people in one. one wants to succeed and change the world. the other wants to self-sabotage, lay on the couch and eat cookies.

come tomorrow, i'm going to hate myself and be depressed. i'm at a point where i can't pray and i don't want anyone to pray for me. like i need to stew in my own crap because i can't' make myself connect to something i was never interested in.

i've been to hospitals. to see family, friends, and domestic violence victims for the short time i did volunteer work for the domestic violence shelter. but i never wanted to work there. if anything, i wanted to leave as quickly as possible. however, i always wanted to say a prayer so big that everyone would be healed and could go home. give the doctors and nurses a night off.

i can be such a fuck up...