ok, so where do start?

last month my period was 9 days late. this period it's 14 days late with today including some faint spotting that doesn't warrant any menstrual products. i'm actually ok with it. as much as i can be. i never wanted to be a single mom, nor did i ever want to be tied to the wrong person. even though things didn't go as i hoped, i still stand by those decisions.

i'm coming to terms with getting older. i realize that i can't defeat age, but i can keep some things at bay but i really have to work like never before. i have to keep the workouts permanent and not miss a lot of days. i'm doing good with IF and veganism. i'm down about 3 pounds. i can do better if i increase my workouts. i will say i'm self-conscious to workout in front of tiffany. she's 30, a size 4, and can pass for a teenager if she wears her hair a certain way. i outweigh her by 100 lbs. i should have no reason to feel that way because she encourages me to be healthy. but it is what it is. i think i'll start working out immediately after work that way i'll be done by the time she finishes up with work.

judeska is in the country visiting from the netherlands. i sent her gifts but she hasn't received them yet. each time she has gone to the location, events were priority and she forgot to get them. her last chance is tomorrow before she leaves. i hope she gets it. i'm going to make myself not be mad if she doesn't. her schedule is full.

doing this IF is easier than i thought. i struggled during the first week but after the first 3 or 4 days it's easy. i only feel like eating if i stay up late but that's more so out of habit. i'm doing a 16/8 IF and it seems to be good for me as i'm not truly hungry after 5pm. once i put myself back on salads i should see more of a weight drop as long as perimenopause hormones don't cause any issues. i really wish i had stayed focus last year and didn't gain back what i lost. doing this IF i really see that i was grazing throughout the day. what i've been learning is that eating like that can put me in an early grave or a hospital. glad i don't have kids then it would be a real struggle.

i wish i wasn't lazy. as the proverbial phrase goes, "be the change you want to see".

i'm excited to stay on these vegan collagen and protein supplements. i think i should see a real change with my hair and skin after about 4-6 months as long as i stay consistent with it. my nails were the first thing to adjust. for the first time in years they are strong and longer. i've been trying to find some user reviews on youtube with the supplements that i've been taking but there are only about 2 or 3 and most if not all are focused on the flavor and not results. it's a shame i never considered taking these supplements previously. i think i could have saved myself a lot of suffering if i had included these in my diet. but i can't beat myself up over stuff i didn't know about. besides, i was bad at taking supplements consistently so why beat myself up.

you know, i'm thankful for focusing on myself this year. being preoccupied with everyone else and their issues caused me not to focus on who i am and who i want to be. this is a hard process but i'm worth it.