so saturday i wake up late for work. i'm supposed to clock into work at 7 and i woke up at 7:05 and was able to clock in at 7:08am. today i didn't know i was approved for working the holiday. i get a phone call at 7:05am from a coworker asking if i was going to clock in to work. i replied i didn't get approved. she said i did so i made a mad dash to clock in. i clock in at 7:08am and shoot my supervisor an email explaining why i was late.

this is 2 work days in a row. not sure if this is a coincidence or something i need to be aware of. so i'm going to see if anything happens on 7/5 or 7/8.

i listened to a sermon this morning by jerry flowers. his sermon referenced esau and the stew. he said is it good or are you hungry? are you willing to trade/delay your destiny because you're hungry? he started referring to pre-marital sex and other frowned upon activities. i immediately thought of 'A' as he has been on my mind for the past few days. i'm hungry. it's not good.

i keep reminding myself when i go down memory lane that it's not good anymore. i remind myself that i'm no longer comfortable with him. i'm familiar with him. and coupled with old memories. it makes for a hot time. unfortunately, an unsatisfying as well. it's absolutely insanity that i'm thinking of him and only him after 20+ years of meeting. speaking of which, the aforementioned pastor mentioned (and i'm paraphrasing) you can't get deliverance from something that you enjoy being friends with. confronting and sobering.

i've weaned myself off of processed sugar but i'm craving donuts like nobody's business. perhaps a bread pudding with a vanilla rum sauce. hopefully the craving passes soon. i'm wondering if the craving is coming from a new collagen powder with stevia. it's sweeter than i like. but it will have to do for the next 2 months until it runs out.