i think i mentioned it a previous entry. i've been seeing a lot of reels about focusing on yourself and not on other people. i'm not forcing myself on anyone. i pray i won't do it ever again.

so i did a thing.

so i got a new phone last week and i had to transfer all the data from the old one. i deleted 'A's number a while back but it was still part of the activity history. it didn't transfer over to the new phone. i made an adult decision. i reset the old phone without saving his number.

i made an attempt to talk myself out of saving his number. what if he got a new phone and lost off of his numbers and it's not possible to contact you? what if this? what if that? i don't know if he's dead or alive. so how about this? he's alive, his phone has no issue, and he just hasn't wanted to talk to me bad enough to contact me? which one sounds more fitting?

i shouldn't be in this mental state some 20-odd years later.

i'm an odd one.

you know i missed out on a $70 discount when i bought my new phone. samsung has a deal where you can get a student discount on your purchases up to 3 times a year. i briefly saw the offer but i still have a hard time seeing myself as a student. it's crazy. granted it's not a large amount of money, but when you are paying hand over fist to pay off a credit card, it's a noticeable.

i'm praying to God that i see myself the way He sees me. i'm having a hard time accepting my current self, aging, etc. but i know if i can change my perspective i'll be happy. angles matter.