today has been a hard day but i'm mustering through.

i'm having a difficult time staying content with my life. maybe navigating is a better word. i'm focusing on perimenopause/menopause and attempting to get professional assistance with the transition. school. moving. relatives. on top of that, i'm still struggling with forgiveness.

i know i shouldn't compare my life to others but it's extremely difficult. people are progressing in life. getting married. having kids. adopting. promotions. speaking engagements. etc. i'm still taking phone calls. not sure if it's the perimenopause or just me getting irritated with people altogether. i'm still on my mission not water anyone's flowers but it's getting to me. back in jan i made it a point to stop reaching out to people minus a lucky few but even then i hardly reach out to them. i did this to focus on myself. during this time, no one has made the effort to reach out to me except 2 people. it's sobering. i can't say i'm truly surprised but it's still a dose of reality that still hurts.

the weight loss is moving at a snail's pace. i've cut out sugar, reduced calories, implemented intermittent fasting and i haven't lost a thing this week. because of it, it's causing me to think that i'm just not attractive. people used to look at me when i entered a room. now it's like i'm not even there.