i've been attempting to update for weeks now but never sat down long enough to write anything substantial. now the irs has reared it's ugly head.

a couple of years ago, i pulled money out of an investment account that is being managed by a bank so i can do some updates to my home. i asked the guy if i pull out this money if i have to pay taxes on it. he said about about a 2-300 bucks but nothing major. i take the money and do the updates. new bathrooms on the top floor and new flooring. since my taxes were about $300 less for that year, i just figured it was accounted for in the difference.

today, i get a bill from the irs stating that i owe $4200 plus interest on that money due by oct 25, 2023. almost half of what i took. i don't have it. i have 6k in my savings. 3k in a CD that i can't touch for another 7+ months and of course that investment acct from whence this all started. i have property taxes to pay on the house...another 4k. i normally pay all of my property taxes in december. i'm allowed to pay half then the remaining in april. taxes are due in april. everything is damn due but not enough funds to pay it off. not to mention that i need to move, not to mention find a new place to stay in arizona, have money in reserves for emergencies, and the cherry on top, my credit card is around $3800+ that includes an additional $200 each month until june 2024 for the surgery i had in july (i make 2 large payments a month).

now i can't delay in selling my family heirlooms. i need to gather the money to get the appraisals - $40 a piece. sell as soon as possible. and let me not forget that i need to pay taxes on that sell. i'm over taxes. i'm over inflation. i'm over the struggle. i need a better paying job. i'm overextended on bills. maybe i shouldn't have had that surgery. hindsight is always 20/20. maybe i should have struggled through and gone back to IT. it never fails that i continue to make the wrong decisions. if i had just purchased that bitcoin stock back when it was roughly $1 a share i wouldn't have to worry about these things.

speaking of that surgery...and perimenopause. i missed my period in august but had a 3-week long period in sept. i was spotting for about 2 weeks and the last week was a light period. i researched some info on depression caused by perimenopause and all roads pointed to black cohosh root. i've been taking it and have been feeling great up until this irs letter. my other issue is the brain fog. it's so hard to remember things. it's like that scenerio that starts in your twenties where you get up to get something out of a different room and by the time you get there you forget. it's like that 20 times a day. my recall and even the fortitude for trying to ascertain new information when reading is extremely difficult. google recommends that i take ginko biloba. i just need to order it. money is so tight. i won't have it until tomorrow. i'll order it then.

i had a nightmare a few weeks ago. i actually woke up screaming. i woke up to some type of spirit/man creepily smiling in my face. i told a friend, she said it was demonic. also stating that i have to be careful of who i marry. if i marry the wrong one, he won't show his true colors until after marriage. it's not the first time i've had a dream like this. however, it is the first time i've seen it's face. if you recall nightcrawler from x-men 2 from the original franchise it was similar to that. i can't say he was dark blue but he was dark.

life is lifing right now and i want a sugar daddy.